naguguluhan...

bakit nga ba mabilis magbago ang utak ng tao noh...

hehe

masayang tumawa kahit malungkot...

eniweiz para sumaya kayo, tignan niyo na lang to



http://www.tech4free.com/default.aspx?ref=232569

busy talaga akong mag-aral...

paumanhin kung hindi na ako nakakapag post... ngarag ang buhay ko sa ngayon. bukod doon, lumipat kami ng bahay at wala pang linya ng telepono kaya wala rin akong internet connections... hmmm



kahapon, diba nagkaroon ng welga... kawawang ako, walang masakyan papasok ng aking pamantasan. buti na lang at may dumaang mmda stranded passengers assistance thingy na yun. nakalibre na ako sa pamasahe, nakapasok pa ako. ang masakit, isa lang na class ang napapasukan ko, nagdeclare na suspended na ang klase. well, at least may baon ako... hehehe.



i passed na my requirement sa malikhaing pagsulat na klase ko. i just can't imagine na after ng sem, magiging 25 pages na siya... hmmm...



i knew some things just this week sa mp 174 class ko. meron palang such a thing as eskimo kiss? hehe. at super traumatic pala ang up medical check up sa freshmen before... kasi pilahan ng mga hubad sa clinic, at ma huhumiliate ka talaga... patutuwarin ka and stuff. inaanounce pa ang mga taong "tinitigasan". buti na lang, bago na ang sistema noh...



my comm 140 prof told us about luring someone to fall in love with you... it's the double-barreled wink technique. my classmate asked her if it is effective, isa lang ang sagot niya... she had lots of boyfriend then... i wonder? ito kaya ang ginamit niya to marry her ex-seminarian husband?



my polsci14 prof told us to bring crayons the next meeting... weird noh, for a polsci class.



my sts class pala is so fun! group reportings kasi. then this one group used a beauty pageant theme for their report on stone age, the iron age, and the likes... it's called MISS ANTIQUITY! sobrang saya. imagine 5 males competing for the title. hehe.



diba, busy ako sa pag-aaral...

ingrato!

Lagi na lang akong nakakasakit ng damdamin. Lalo na sa mga taong sa akin ay nagmamahal. Ganun na lang ba lagi ang takbo ng buhay ko? Ang mahalin at manakit? Ang dumating at mang-iwan? Ang kunin ko ang lahat-lahat, at hindi mamalimos ng kaunting pagtingin? Ang pugpugin ng pagmamahal, ngunit kulang o mali ang ibabalik? Ano ba ang tama? Hindi ko na alam pa.

Ang J101 class ko ay masayang tunay!

Reason no. 1



Akala ko malelate na ako sa journ class ko kanina. Medyo late na rin kasi akong nagisisng at umalis ng bahay. Eniweiz, I saw Vanessa kanina, yung eng1 classmate ko kay Mr. Bagulaya. At ito ang rough description ng aming conversation:



Moi: kala ko malelate na ako!

Vane: Bakit? San ka ba nanggagaling?

M: Bulacan pa.

V: May kilala ka bang J******n?

M: Ahhh… si J******n **a* ********a na L* na tiga *** na kaibigan si **e*** na ang bday ay sa 0*/**/85?

V: Kilala mo nga siya!

…

V: nakita ko nga sila sa **** dati. Kailan kaya sila magkakatuluyan noh? Total matagal na naman silang magkaibigan at bagay naman sila.



Reason no. 2



Sa loob ng isang oras at kalahati naming pagkikita ay nabara ako ng talong beses ng prof ko. Kilala na niya agad ako.



Reason no. 3



May diagnostics exam kami about spelling and balarila. Madali siya, kaya mas asar ako. Madali na nga… pangit pa ang score!



Reason no. 4



He is back from outer space.



Reason no. 5



May on the spot news writing and news casting kami by next week.



Isang malaking pasasalamat pala kay wanda (di tunay na pangalan) na nagpahiram sa akin ng bolpen kanina. Kasi naman, handang handa ako na pumasok kanina eh…

Classes!

I woke up early today. 4:30am. Bakit naman hindi, my first class starts at 7:00 am! Kala ko nga malelate na ako eh. Buti na lang medyo late din dumating si Prof Alcantara (Kom 2). She’s kinda nice naman, at ma-incentive na prof as long as on time kang magsubmit ng requirements at di ka nag-aabsent. Sabi nga niya, walang taong bobo, mga tamad lang. She is kinda kalog din at makwento. Kengkoy nga daw siya, sabi niya. Kaya daw maaga yung class niya e para matupad ang kanyang mga plano: to have a videoteleconference sa University of California. Bongga diba!



Medyo late na nga kami pinalabas ni ma’am ruby kaya kala ko late na ko sa Comm140 class ko. Buti na lang, lumipat kami ng room kasi medyo maliit yung room na na-assign sa amin. Prof Pernia is kinda nice din kahit na intimidating yung looks niya. Yung mukhang istrikta. Pero masaya siyang mag discuss. She even cited the practical applications of Comm Theories sa life niya eh especially sa pagpapasunod ng mga anak! She even said about communication’s similarity to conception. Hmmm…. Interesting! And winner ang class policies niya. Pag may phone na tumunog, that means ice cream time, expenses paid by the phone’s owner! Hmmmm…



Di kami sinipot ng aking MP 170 prof. Wala kaming kamalay malay na dissolved na pala ang class na iyon. Kaya MP 174 ang alternate elective.



Intimidating din ang aking Polsci prof. We had an exam. Strict sa class policies. Beware!



STS is also nice. Met new people na groupmates ko din sa reporting. Nakaka op lang kasi yung mga katabi kong classmates ay may partners in life. They have found their significant others.

wag there!

Tanghali na akong nakapunta sa UP para mag-enroll. Tanghali na kasi ng naimulat ko ang mata kong maga pa. kailangan kong magmadali; 9 units lang kasi ang nakuha ko sa online registration at me conflict pa sa nakuha kong major subject. Buti na lang, nag-iwan ako ng number sa RA na si Cass at tinext niya ako nung may nag cancel na isang estudyante sa isa pang section ng Comm 140.



Salamat na lamang sa bagong non-prof license at frontier ni pie. Syempre ke pie din, at ke kiko, liezel, eyin, nina, etal. Naging mas madali ang enlistment ko dahil sa kanila. Naging masaya din me. Kahit papaano, nawala sa isip ko ang problems ko. Lalo na nung kinanta ni eyin ang ever famous song ng ever famous group na D’ bodies.



Wag there, wag there, may kiliti ako there. Papsi relax lang you, may kiliti ako there… aiaiai…



Ano pa be, saw cheng this morning. PE na alng ang kailangan niyang ienlist. Weird dahil pinagtripan niyang pakintabin yung balaraw sa tambayan kanina. Ganun at atalaga pag di pinoproblema ang enlistment dahilo kumpleto na yung subjects…



Nga pala, I have to take this opportunity to thank cheng, dahil sa mga texts niya kahapon. Nakakagaan ng loob.

I don’t care if boys don’t cry

This is how I feel. Pigilin ko man, sadyang mapait ang luha para ikimkim sa mga mata. Nanlalabo na ang paningin ko, wala nang makita pa kundi mga luha, sa kanila at sa akin. Kinakapos na rin ang hininga ko sa bawat hikbi. Nalulunod na ako.



Unti unting naglalaho ang ulirat ko sa gitna ng labanang walang armas ngunit may dahas. Sa bawat salitang naririnig, nakabibinging sakit. Dalawang batong dumudurog sa sariling buto at laman.



Ang luha ko’y waring dugo, sa bawat pagtakas sa aking mga mata, nababawasan ang katawan ko ng buhay…



*Iipunin ko ang bawat luha na aagos sa aking pisngi, at gagawa ako ng karagatang maaari kong lakbayin patungo sa lupain ng kaligayahan.

CS ako last sem!

Wala akong grade below 1.75 this sem! Ngayon pa lang nangyari yun sa buong college life ko. Sana tuloy tuloy na ito! Hehe.

My first national TV appearance!

Noe texted me something that really made me a bit excited:



Hoy maki nakunan ka ng camera ng mmda naglalakad sa bangketa suot mo ung nco shirt!



So I texted him back:



Saan? Kelan? Paano? Anong itsura ko?



Sa channel 4 pala yun sa program na MMDA on the road. Nagkataon na naglalakad ako dun sa area. Well, so much for 5 seconds of fame.

May K ka ba?

Was listening to some folks talking… na sermon ang dating. Pinag-uusapan ang tungkol sa pagpapakasal, sa pagpili ng makakasama sa buhay, at iba pang bagay na ukol sa pagmamahal. Sa bawat sagot ng bata, may nakahanda nang sagot ang nakatatanda. Kahit anong salita ang banggitin, mas igigiit ang kaalaman ng may pinilakang buhok. Ibinase sa edad ang talakayan. Isa lang ang nasasaisip ko. Sino ba tayo para magsabi kung ano ang tamang pagmamahal? Hindi naman tayo ang nakadarama. Ang sa akin lang, lahat ng tao ay binigyan ng kakayahang umibig at ibigin. Hindi ibig sabihin na kapag hindi mo tulad umibig ang isang tao, hindi na siya marunong magmahal. Kanya kanya lang naman yan. To each his own, ika nga. Oo, masakit minsan ang magmahal at nais lamang nila ay iadya tayo sa saklap ng buhay. Ngunit paano matututo ang puso kung alin ang nararapat sa kanya? Di maihihiwalay ang mga pasakit sa buhay dahil mawawalan din ng saysay ang ligaya.



Minsan nga nasasabi kong maski ako, wala na ring pakiramdam. Ikaw? May K ka bang igiit sa akin ang tamang pagmamahal?



*Alam mo kung sino ka. Nasa tabi mo lang ako, kahit anong mangyari. Isang tawag o text lang, dadamayan kita. Malayo man ako, may kaibigang handang umagapay sa iyo. Hindi ka nag-iisang umiibig… text mo ko ha pag nabasa mo na ito…

Halloween it is...

Enough of miserable posts. Sa wakas, my old happy self is back! (Medyo childish nga lang!) Bakit hindi, I had a wonderful Halloween. Went to SM Marilao’s Midnight sale. Tapos I went to a Halloween party dressed as a ghost pirate last 31st. Kasama ang mga kapatid ko, we enjoyed the thrills of making ourselves as ugly and as scary as we want. Nga lang, I had a hard time taking the black thing I put around my eyes. Na-emphasize tuloy lalo ung eyebags ko.



Then, nagmeet kami ng relatives ko sa cemetery sa Bayugo. There is a nearby “perya”. We did sorts of stuff kasi naman minsan na lang kaming magkita. Nag videoke, nag ferris wheel, everything. Sa bahay rin sila natulog. Sumakit na ang lalamunan naming kakausap, peo ok pa rin. We do miss the company. Kung di pa siguro magkaroon ng occasion, di rin kami magkikita-kita. Sa tingin ko nga, yun ang essence ng Araw Ng Patay e. Yung magkasama-sama ang mga nabubuhay pang kamag-anak ng yumao. Maikli lang naman talaga ang buhay. Kaya habang me pagkakataon pa tayong makasama natin ang mga mahahalagang tao sa buhay natin, grab the opportunity to do so. Kung pwede nga lang tipunin lahat ng mahal mo sa buhay sa iisang lugar habambuhay… diba Jesuel?

On thinking

I sure did a lot of thinking lately. That’s the only thing I can do, with all the things that happened in my life. Most of the times, I feel that I have lost myself, and the path that I should be walking on. After gaining “5’s” last, last term, I had decided to walk away from engineering.



I hate failures. I was not prepared to fail. All these failures made me feel less of a person I was before. I always thought I could do everything, a wrong belief, wrong and tragic.

Today, I am living a new life. I am taking Mass communication subjects. Again, I am fighting for a life that I can own until my dying days. I am struggling to win the battle I chose. I am striving to make myself whole again.

Waiting for Mr. Sandman

I am not sleepy yet; I think I will not be for a few hours more. I have this “day-to-night and vice versa” syndrome during sem breaks. I am awake till the wee hours, and spend the whole morning sleeping, daydreaming. So, while I’m waiting for the Sandman, I decided to arrange my mp3 files and to tell you the perks and flaws of daydreaming…



I love to daydream because:

1. Illusions become synonymous to reality, only in dreams. A true chance to have all of life’s desire.

2. Money is not a factor in dreams. Things are there without having to buy them. It’s like having IMF as your purse.

3. I look so dashing, a true work of art! Pimples don’t seem to exist in my dreams.

4. It’s quite like telenovela, only better. I can even be a star of my own superserye. And you can do everything with the villains without ending up in jail.

5. Bodily pain is meaningless in dreams. (Give it all you got! I’m indestructible, baby!)

6. My subconscious communicates with me.

7. I exercise my talent of genuine creativity.

8. It’s a good way of entertaining one’s self.



However, dreams are bubbles that burst the moment our eyes see the real world. Reality slaps my senses back, leaving me hurt. Nothing’s changed. The world still is cruel, and it can never give us everything we want. We are still plain, flawed mortals with imagination as the only power we possess. We imagine what is not written in the script called life. But imaginations are imaginations. Our senses cannot savor all that dreams have to offer.



After all this thinking, I cannot promise that I’ll never daydream again. What am I supposed to do with all my free time? While I am commuting? Besides, a part of my being human will be gone if you take daydreaming away from me. But with these thoughts, I know what dream’s limitations are. With all the hurts that daydreams gave to me, I did learn some lessons. I sure have a lot of things to do to make my dreams* (the possible ones) come true.

friendster made me realize...

Friendster: mark telan



I scanned my friendster testimonials this morning, in search of who I was, of the changes that I have to undergo to be the “me” I see today. I really didn’t see myself as an “ill-tempered monster” during class productions the way they did. But now, I am aware of it.



But I kept on thinking about the many nicknames that I had. I try to label myself in so many ways, in different situations, as if making a fraction game out of myself.



All my life, I’ve been struggling to assume a personality, a character that I can call my own. And it can take eternity to know that person. I can wear many masks, give myself names, and try to be someone I am not and do that all my life because of my fear of rejection and judgment. I can do that, yes, only if I have a heart that does not know the meaning of the word ‘fatigue’ and a mind that overlooks the person behind the name…



You don’t know me well enough… you don’t know “all” of me…

just call me noah (today only!)

God sure knows how to make us learn a lesson, and wake us up in an ordinary day in quite a queer way…



Boy, what do you think can make me say this? Well, let me tell you something that made me worry (and laugh afterwards) as early as 4am…



Last night I was reading a book about Noah, and the flood that covered the world. Went down to the bathroom before I sleep. Went back to my room, knowing that everything is clear.



Thought I was dreaming as I woke up this morning. I heard my mom saying that the faucet is open, and it caused a big mess. And behold!!!! As I make my first step towards the bathroom, it’s a big mess all right!!!! I know I made a big mess in my life, but this one is literally a mess!!! Now, everything became clear to me. Every night, water supply is cut, and because of my strong desire to sleep*, it slipped of my mind. I left the faucet open, way before I started to read the book. When I went to the bathroom again, I didn’t notice that it is indeed open.



Just today, God made it flood, indoors. And unlike Noah, I was caught off-guard!!!!



*Up to now, wala pa ring nakakatalo saa antok ko. Dami na ngang napipikon sa akin eh, especially pag me katext ako. Antok na talaga ang pinakamalakas kong kalaban. Matagal akong antukin, pero pag inantok na ko…

on cooking, books, changes, org, etc...

Playing: Freestyle live


Learned how to cook today (well, i should know how to cook kung matutuloy ang pagsosolo ko sa buhay…hehe).

nga pala, I’m on my eight day na out of forty days… i’ve been reading PDL kasi recently (thanks kay twinkle for giving me the book kahit na di ako nakaattend nung activities nila…). actually, naghesitate akong basahin yun nung una kasi nakakatakot siya… ewan ko ba, yun talaga yung naramdaman ko eh… a weird reaction sa isang librong tanging hangad lang naman ay magandang pagbabago sa buhay…

last night, eyin and I talked about this book and his failure to finish his forty days of reflection. tsk… tsk…

i received a call this morning from my best friend, Pie, informing me about the upcoming activities of our org (UP GRIFFIN). one of the activities will be the publicity and promotion of Heart Evangelista’s campus tour in UP on December 6, 2004. kung maririnig mo ang voice niya, baka isipin mong bukas na yung event. hehe. ganun siguro talaga kapag bagong recognized ang org after years of dormancy…

also received a text from cheng, about this new raket nanaman on wednesday. di ko pa alam yung raket. Basta pagdating sa raket, wala na atang tatalo pa dito ke cheng… always updated! unti-unti na nga akong nahahawa eh… magaling din sumayaw yun!!!! kinakarir kahit hikain pa! Kaya nga inspiration ko sa buhay yan eh…

thought to fonder: may spare parts din ba para sa broken hearts?

was watching tv nang pinakita yung trailer na ‘yun (I think it was for the new movie of sandara-hero) at somehow, na-trigger nga akong mag-isip… sagot: wala, kasi sa tingin ko we are equipped naman with our own repair mechanisms diba? This process may take a while pero still, we can’t keep on living na hurt tayo diba? besides, life’s path is too short.

We need to stand up and walk again everytime we fall, or else we won’t go that far…

all in a day...

woke up late this morning. bakit hindi, gising pa ako bandang 1am, practically destroying the tv, looking for a nice show to watch...

well, today, sumakit naman ang likod ko sa pagawa ng project nung li'l bro ko sa physics... and guess what????? i thought matatakasan ko na ang paggawa ng kung ano anong structure after leaving engineering... pagawain daw ba ako ng isang practically indestructible tower made of "walis tingting" and thread?!?! well... indestructible naman siya kasi nasipa siya nung dad ko pero ayun, intact parin... hehe

was hoping to chat with my aunt in japan when eyin* (di tunay na pangalan) sent a message... miss that fella... he commended the nice header of my blogger... (you don't know me... well enough...) well the conversation went a li'l bit like this:


e: ganda nung header

e: hehe

e: lilink kita!

m: q: how well do you know me?

e: a: hindi ko alam, basta hindi masyado, yan ang alam ko

m: because i really am not ready to let others know me completely...

m: haha pang novel ba?

e: well

e: ako nga i don't know myself completely

e: sa ibang tao pa kaya

m: nice... you'll see that line sa blog ko...

e: ang galing

e: i was actually thinking na ilagay yan sa blog ko

e: ang layo natin pero sagap pa din ng bluetooth natin a!



well, eyin is my blockmate sa up and batchmate ko sa upcncotc. we've been friends for more than two years. naging classmate ko siya sa es1, math 55, at sa lc ng eee31. kasama ko rin siya almost everyday. together, we faced difficult times... syempre happy momnets din! however, sad ako kasi bilang na ang araw niya... sa philippines!!!! life wouldn't be as happy without him around... (and i am not saying this kasi lam kong babasahin niya... hehe). see, we have developed this bluetooth thing... what i think, he thinks, and vice versa... well, most of the time... i'm surely gonna miss you bro!!!!

nga pala, went berserk when i saw a friend sa tv doing a commercial. yung sa smart buddy zone!!! makahanap nga rin ng zone... imagine, a new phone, plus a chance to be seen on tv. instant career ito!!!

well, hanggang dito na lang siguro muna, i have my sister's homework to finish, and ice cream to stuff myself with... nayt!!!!!

Sem's over!

My computer's working better now, after rebooting! darn that virus... all my files are gone. Medyo boring ang life ko recently kasi naman, sembreak ko... sa bahay lang, taking the time to really relax after everything that happened last sem!!!! feeling ko, i am a knight, and my mission is to save myself from the terror, dragon-like profs that i had... haaaaayyyyy.... i'm sure glad that the sem is over.

however, sandali na lang at pasukan na naman... so i need all the time right now to do everything... and i mean everything to soothe my tired self... hehe.

dry run...

i finally had the time... and guts to start my new hobby, keeping a blog!!!!!